Never Give Up on a Good Thing

Hey guys!

Sorry about my two-week absence. Shit got hella hectic. But I'm back now. I have two essays due next week, so there's not going to be anything else up till the weekend, but I have big plans. New post coming on monday with a quite different project.

In the meantime, here's the new installment of my Olle-collab. I'm not as fond of it as the last one. It was much harder to write and I'm still not sure that it... works. Feedback would be muchly appreciated.

Never Give Up on a Good Thing

‘Good to go, hon?’

‘Yes, dad.’ Janelle slid into the passenger seat of his car. She crossed her arms around herself and uncrossed them again. One of her hands reached over to the plastic armrest and started to tap discontentedly.

‘What’s on the agenda for today, Nellie?’

She was looking out the window but she knew he’d be looking at her as he said it. She wished he’d keep his eyes on the road.

            ‘I don’t know. The usual.’

‘You still impressing your teachers with those poems?’

‘I don’t really show them to them anymore.’ I’m not still in eighth grade, she wanted to add.

She kept quiet as they move through the backstreets of the neighborhood and into standstill traffic. Her dad tapped his own fingers on the steering wheel and eventually turned on the radio. Janelle sat in agitated silence while he flicked through four different channels of ads and finally turned it off again.

‘So what about that party tonight? Your mom said you might be going out.’

‘I don’t know,’ she muttered.

‘Whose party is it?’

‘Hillary’s.’

‘Hillary as in Hillary and Jono Mathews?’

‘That’s the one,’ she said, thinking about the Hillary-and-John-Matthews he was imagining, with handfuls of each other’s hair and hers, and mud and bits of grass stuck to their clothes.

‘I think it’s great that you’re still spending time with that boy.’

‘It’s not like that, dad.’

‘I know that,’ he said. ‘That’s not what I mean. I just think it’s good for you to be keeping up your friendships.’

‘Mm.’

Another silence fell after a slow sigh from her dad. Janelle stared at out at the traffic, waiting for it to move, wishing she was outside. She would still be early, even if they kept moving at this pace for the next five minutes. He always made her leave before she was ready. Then she ended up standing outside class for ten minutes waiting for the bell to ring and for the other girls to show up. She’d been the only one getting there on time every morning for the last two years. Maybe she should start walking. It would give her more time to herself.

In the night, when they thought she was asleep, she heard her parents worrying that she was becoming too moody and detached and wondering if she would lose friends for it.

Her dad finally broke the silence. ‘I think you should go, hon. You always have a good time there, don’t you?’

‘I guess so,’ she says.

She saw his ‘You okay, honey?’

‘Yes, dad, I’m fine,’ she snapped. It felt bad even before it left her mouth, like the lie had grown feet of its own and was stretching her jaws with its own long legs. He wouldn’t say anything else to her now.

She didn’t mean for things to come out sounding so mean. It was like she was possessed sometimes, she felt, like she didn’t have control over it. But she didn’t apologise either. Sometimes she thought maybe something really was wrong with her.

The traffic cleared and they drove the rest of the way to the school in silence. Janelle’s head was cleared of everything now except the quiet guilt, and she thought about ways of apologizing without saying the words ‘I’m sorry’. Maybe she would stay home tonight and make dinner or something. Although, actually, it would probably mean something more to him if she did go out.

He slowed as he drove up to the side of the school and stopped by the gate.

‘Um,’ she said, searching for something meaningless to say, to clear the air before she left. Anything would do. ‘I might just have my dinner early tonight then, or something.’ Dammit, that wasn’t what was supposed to come out either.

‘Okay,’ he said.

‘Is mom going to be home this afternoon?’

‘Probably not.’

‘Okay.’

They were both looking past each other out the window, at the dozens of students ambling slowly towards a common center. Suddenly one of them looked back. Hillary smiled at her through long black bangs and nudged her brother to do the same. He did, and waved her over.

‘Is that Jono?’

‘Yes,’ she said, but that wasn’t who she was looking at. Hillary was laughing loudly now at something Jono was saying and Janelle was furtively wishing for something to say to make her face keep that open, easy smile.

Her dad paused, gripping the steering wheel and frowning. ‘I know I’m not supposed to say anything, but if you did want to, uh, make some kind of move in the general, uh, Jono direction-’ he glances over at her, anxiously– ‘I’m just saying if – you know, your mother and I would approve. That’s all I’m saying.’

Janelle smiled in spite of herself. ‘Well, thanks dad.’

‘You should never give up on a good thing, hon.’

‘Yeah,’ she said, pulling on her backpack. ‘I know.’

Thanks for reading everyone! Leave me comments!